My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
