i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
