she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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