He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
