trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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