Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
