So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
