Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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