Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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