If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
