apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
