i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
