I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
