Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
