Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
