i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
