I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
