So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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