I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
