I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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