don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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