It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
