Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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