pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
