Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
