I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i permit you to call me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
