My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
