I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
