Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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