We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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