OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
