Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My friends, they love my intelligence
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
