I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
soo... how was my night?
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