the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
