we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
