If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
