I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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