honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
