Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
