too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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