is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
