after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
