dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
