it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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