Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
