Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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