Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
