I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
