The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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