he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
